Big Trouble, Sam's Club and Love of Paper Towels

Some people escape to the beach, the mountains, the spa. Me? I escape to Sam’s Club for a 15-pack of Member’s Mark Select & Tear 2-Ply Paper Towels. Fifteen glorious rolls, 150 sheets each, just $19.98. The math checks out. But this trip isn’t just about the paper towels— it’s about the journey.

I slip out of the restaurant, alone, just me, my inner demons, and Bill Simmons in my ear. Cruising down Hardy Street in beautiful Hattiesburg, Miss, hitting every red light and not caring one bit… That’s just more time to myself, you see? I pull into the Sam’s parking lot, dodging harried parents and couples from rural MS on their monthly haul.

But first, the mission: two-ply perfection. I take my time, wandering the aisles, savoring the anticipation of my real reward—a slice of Sam’s Club’s should-be-award-winning 4-meat pizza. Not yet though – delayed gratification is key. I self checkout, and finally, it’s time.
I take my seat at the plastic table, a bottle of water in front of me, and dive in. Just me, my pizza, and Bill still talking in my ear. Perfection.

Walking out of Sam’s Club and flashing my receipt like a VIP, I drive back to the restaurant full — of pizza, of paper towels, of peace.